Holes - A Tribute to my Livestock Guardian Dog

Holes

She came to us with holes.
Holes in her nose, in her face
from fighting with other dogs...
and holes in her training.
"You know what you're getting, right?"
The breeder had asked us.
"She's vicious. She'll leave
holes in your arms. She'll leave
holes in your other dogs.
Be careful with this one!
She's dangerous - she could hurt you."
But the breeder was wrong -
or so I thought.

So we took her
and filled her holes
with love.
Lots of love.
From the first day.
On the second night she slept with our other dog,
and on the third day she adopted our autistic daughter.
They were both 2, you see.
They were meant for each other.
meant to be.
Where ever our daughter went, Brandy
was by
her
side.

And then another child was born,
early. Too early.
She had tubes and wires and
Down syndrome and I found
I needed help.
There were holes
in my support
Holes in my life
and at age six
yes, six,
Brandy became a certified
service
dog
and filled the holes seamlessly.
She could quell one of my
older daughter's
anxiety-ridden
kicking
screaming 
meltdowns
with love.
Filling the holes in my daughter
seamlessly.

And the years passed and then came
chickens.
But as life would dictate
there were holes...
holes in the fence where predators
might creep through
but there was Brandy
and Brandy filled the holes
seamlessly.
And all I had to say was
"No chickens!"
And the chickens were safe
for no predator
from the ground or from the sky
would risk that dog, those teeth
that could make holes...
in predators... but not -
no - never...
in chickens.

But over the last month a hole grew.
A hole in the function of the left ventrical
of my sweet Brandy's heart.
And I watched my dog,
my 10-year-old dog,
slowly
start
to
die.

Today the chickens said, "Goodbye."
There was one last car ride
and the prick of a needle
and even though I held her tight in my arms
I watched her fly
away
anyway.
And looking back I see
just how right the breeder was
for tonight I hurt...
I ache
from holes
big, giant, aching
holes...
but they are not in my arms
nor in other dogs.
These holes
These holes made by my Brandy
are in
my
heart.

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